Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Am I addicted to guilt?

Caitlin’s post yesterday about guilt really got my brain wheels turning. Am I addicted to guilt? How much of the day do I spent feeling guilty about things?

Part of my concussion recovery is tracking how I feel physically and emotionally. I have a symptoms journal where I note when I have a headache or dizzy spell and how bad it is on a scale of 1-10. After guilt came up a couple of times during my last doctor appointment, I also record when and why I feel guilty. Egad! Talk about opening a can of worms.

I have food related guilt: I ate too much; I didn’t eat enough; I could’ve made better choices. I have activity guilt: I didn’t do enough today; I did too much today. I have concussion guilt: I should be healing faster; I’m not a contributing member of society; I’m inconveniencing people. And a million other small things that add up to a whole lotta time wasted on feeling bad.

Even the guilt journal makes me feel guilty because I don’t write everything down. You know things are out of hand when you feel guilty about your guilt journal. Fairly counterproductive, no?

I’ve always been a perfectionist who aims to exceed expectation. This begs the question: is guilt what drives me? I don’t think so, and yet there’s no denying that I spent a large portion of my day worrying that I could’ve done any number of things better.

I believe self-analysis is healthy; by examining our actions and choices we are better equipped for the future. That said, often times my self-reflection focuses on the negative instead of the positive, which leads to – you guessed it – guilt. It turns out I’m the biggest bully in my life! I need to stop beating myself up.

To get a handle on guilt, I’m going to try Caitlin’s four steps. It’s time to focus more energy on the positive!

SOTS wonders… what role does guilt play in your life?
Bella

3 comments:

  1. Guilt is such a sticky topic for me. I have a lot of guilt over everything!! With eating I still have periods of time where I wish I hadn't eaten a certain food. I have to make a conscious effort to push the guilt away and just know that I have to make better choices next time.

    It sounds like you are really thinking through all of this.

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  2. It "just" is what it is....
    The hard part is letting it just be what it is...

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  3. I am a drug addict/alcoholic/porn addict. I turned my life around for the most part, marriage, kids etc. But i still sneak a few painers every now and then, and i still have an all night jack party every 6months or so, something just isnt right unless i feel like i am getting away with something or am feeling guilty about something i have done, it almost seems to set me straight again for another few months....wtf?

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